When our other kids were babies we put them in the crib. They would cry. But eventually they would sleep. Soon they learned that the crib meant sleep. They learned to sleep on our terms. Lydia, however, will only fall asleep on her terms.
And her terms are: bottle, rocking in Chris' arms and falling asleep there. Preferably in front of the TV. Starting with the crib won't do. Rocking with Monica won't do. For nap-time only Chris can get her to sleep. When she wakes at night, its Chris again.
We want her to bond with us, to form deep attachments. So we are allowing her to fall asleep on her terms. There has been progress. She doesn't fear the other kids' dark rooms anymore (she cried the first 2 nights when we took her in to say goodnight). We are letting her set the sleep rules. For now. Did she fall asleep in front of a TV in her foster home? How long will it last? How long should it last? We'll see.